All normal social conventions tell us there are certain things in life that you should never ever admit to doing if you're a bloke. Things like sitting down when you go for a wee, trying on your wife's lipstick when she goes out, liking Glee, wearing flip-flops in winter or heaven forbid.....supporting Spurs! (you sick sick bastards)
Yet, sometimes it's nice to throw off the cloak of conformity, stick two fingers up to the haters and declare an abiding love for the things that other people find 'shit' or what the kids today would call 'well gay blud'.
So, to blow the froth from the top of this pint of fizzy mass produced lager I'm gonna give a selection of my own cringeworthy likes. I'm willing to take one for the team on this one and shrug off the accusations of being a 'gaylord' or a 'fucking idiot' and get the ball well and truly rolling.
Brothers, sisters, lets join together hand in hand, puff our chests out and revel in the things that other people despise. Because haters gonna hate....
Amongst many people this long haired, foppish, Oscar Wilde quoting, Katy Perry smashing (respect to my bredrin Richard Keys for making that fashionable again) dandy is about as popular as a a fart in a wetsuit. Well i reckon those people are wrong. Very wrong. His stand-up shows are as sharp as a carving knife and beautifully observed if you can get past his obscenely tight trousers and daft voluminous tramps hair. His Radio 2 show (before he got caught up in that media created storm) was equally as good too. Even his acting roles in the few big budget films, even though he's essentially playing himself, have been pretty engaging performances.
Yes it's easy to dismiss him as a cartoon character and a bit of a prick who 'talks funny' and he does look like an old wino but be honest now, how many of you blokes reading this would like to be him eh? Yeah.....thought so.
Yes, I've gone there.
'Surely it's only watched by angst ridden teenagers?'
Nope. It's watched by blokes in their mid thirties who dig the writing, the acting and most of all the soundtrack. Dark and funny in equal parts, it's probably the most subversive television programme of modern times and long may it continue to be so.
'sum ppl are bluddy bstards!!'
'wassup hun? u okay? stay strong! luv u xoxoxo'
'don't wanna talk abt it innit!'
Once you blank out the attention whores and idiots Facebook is actually fantastic. There's nothing better than cracking open the beer on a Friday evening and systematically clogging up people's news feeds with YouTube clips of rare Style Council tracks or Chelsea goals from the 80s.
A gang of fellas pissing about while they do up peoples houses? What's not to like?
"I’m one of the leading exponents of the jazz-funk movement. I’m the slap bass president for God’s sake! Ohhh yeah, it used to be Mark King, but we had a thumb duel. And I smashed ‘im into the ground like a blonde tent peg. “Get back to Level 42, and go about your business!"
Star Child, Love Games, The Chinese Way, The Sun Goes Down, Something About You, Running In The Family.....the list goes on.
Jazzfunk wasn't just for the Wayne's and Kevin's cruising round Basildon or Chelmsford in their RS Cosworth's. It was for all of us.......probably.
If ever there was a TV programme it was fashionable to hate it was Big Brother. Some people couldn't even tell you why they hated it....they just did.
Yet didn't watching the procession of idiots, performing seals, socially inept, semi retarded, feckless wannabe's make us ALL feel better about ourselves? Of course it did. For no matter how rubbish we felt about ourselves at least we weren't Preston from the fucking Ordinary Boys.
Kings Of Leon
"oh yah i like, seriously, hate Kings Of Leon these days!. They've like, totally sold out now they're mega rich from playing huge stadium gigs and having multi platinum selling albums. They were so much better when Caleb was a lank haired, bearded, gak addled mess when they released their first album."
We all know this person don't we? We all think this person is a tedious, self-righteous mug don't we? We don't mind a spot of balls out stadium rock now and again do we?
It's only rock n roll........but we like it.
There's nothing wrong with nice gentle comedy. It doesn't always have to be jokes about 'paedo's, rape, murder or abduction', unless you're Frankie Boyle of course.
I like a spot of knockabout clowning and Miranda Hart is absolutely superb at what she does. She reminds me of Norman Wisdom in the true sense of being a proper 'clown'. It's an art form.
What i enjoy most about 'Miranda' though is sitting watching my wife watch it. She's not bothered about subtlety in the writing or biting social comment when she watches comedy. She wants to laugh.........and Jesus Wept does she! Watching it through her eyes doubles the enjoyment.
Beloved eatery of the Irish Traveller, the single mum with the screaming kids 'ritalined' up to their eyeballs and doddery old couples nationwide, you could be mistaken for thinking this was a place to be avoided at all costs.
Plate in hand, the anticipation as you queue for a couple of slices of "all three please mate" is exquisite. Help yourself to a skip full of roast spuds, too much cauliflower cheese, a ton of carrots and brussels and one of those whopping great Yorkshire Puds and you've got yourself some good eating for less than the same ingredients to make your own roast dinner would cost at Sainsburys.
Take my advice and treat yourself.
(probably best to go on a Monday evening to avoid the Travellers though and also probably best not to go to the one in Langley, Berks......it smells funny)
So there you go. I've laid myself bare to the reader with an insight into all things supposedly 'shitty' that i quite like. I'm pretty sure there aren't many other thirty seven year old married men out there who would publicly declare their love for Russell Brand or Miranda Hart but i don't care. If something is good then it's good. You could call these guilty pleasures, but i don't feel any sense of guilt for liking them.
Stop worrying about being cool and start declaring your love for all things 'uncool', although i will still despise Glee with every fibre of my being.
I await the deluge of abuse that is inevitably coming my way.