No Fire. No Skill.

Sleaford Mods

 "IT'S ANYONE'S GUESS HOW I GOT HERE! IT'S ANYONE'S GUESS HOW I'LL GO!"

It's hard to know where to start with Sleaford Mods. You could go the obvious route and point out the obvious similarities to Jon Cooper-Clarke or The Fall. You could even try and be clever and label their sound as some sort of sub-genre of gritty, arty, British hip-hop. That would be too easy though. Far too easy...

Jason Williamson and Andrew Fearn are producing the sort of social commentary that is making the record industry blush. The sort of anger laden and dark poetry that speaks on behalf of every frustrated, impotent man or woman that has to drag their arse into a shitty, soul destroying job every day just to put clothes on their backs or food in their kids bellies.This isn't protest music, these aren't protest songs, it's the sound of two Nottingham blokes who are angry at the system and what it does to us. It's always been easy for the likes of Billy Bragg and his ilk to fire off missives at governments and politicians from the comfort of their country houses and watch the royalty cheques roll in and keep them in fine wine and Range Rovers. Sleaford Mods are you and me and it's about time the people knew it. If you've ever sat in front of your telly or been on the bus and thought "you're a complete prick mate", then i suggest you give Sleaford Mods a listen. It's cathartic.Remember when Weller and The Clash used to paint pictures of life on council estates and shitty dead end jobs? Well these lads have just cranked it up a notch.

"I FUCKING HATE NORTHERN SOUL! IT'S LIKE MOTOWN ON THE DOLE!"

Forget the name, it's misleading. If you're expecting rehashed old mod mimicry from a couple of blokes in bowling shoes, with Steve Marriott haircuts then you're in for a shock. This isn't about 'mod' and never will be. From the early days of 'The Mekon', which i told anyone who would listen to me, to check out on MySpace (yeah kids! remember MySpace?!) through to the latest album 'Austerity Dogs' the sound has developed from bluesy, Yardbirds or The Jam samples through to stark Kraftwerk style loops and beats, mainly down to Andrew Fearne coming on board. It's now a far sparser and more threatening sound. It's ominous and foreboding and makes the listener feel uncomfortable, but that's exactly how it's meant to make you feel. This isn't Kanye West or Dizzy Rascal style of playing it safe. This is the graffiti on the wall of the gents on your local boozer. The one thing that hasn't changed though is the bile filled lyrical invective. It's still a bullet between the eyes when Williamson starts his verbal onslaught. That's the trick with Sleaford Mods you see, it's a dark commentary on what we see and hear every day and no-one is safe from them. The music industry and its manufactured bands, middle management idiots in Burtons suits and pointy shoes through to plastic hooligans, drug dealers and bully boy wife-beaters get it both barrels and lets face it, they all deserve it one way or another. Even Heather McCartney takes one on the chin!

"THE CUNTS IN THE 'ARM LABEL' COATS, LOOKING AT ME AS IF THEY WANT TO SLIT MY THROAT" 

I think it's fair to say you're never going to hear Sleaford Mods played on the radio, the censors would have a nervous breakdown, but that doesn't mean they aren't going to be huge. It's a safe bet that you're going to hear about them one way or another in 2014. The word is being spread via regular gigs at home and abroad and via social networking and it would appear that the industry is starting to prick up it's ears now. I can't see the fat cats in suits getting their claws into these lads though. They're the enemy and always will be. They might just become the darlings of the hipster kids in Shoreditch or Hoxton though, but that's a small price to pay if just one pissed off kid on a Workfare scheme, with his arse hanging out of his trousers buys one of their albums. So if you're tired of your generic Xfm jingly-jangly indie-pop or your middle class, banjo playing, waistcoat wearing, faux-folk nonsense that seems to be all pervading these days and you want something a little darker, a little naughtier, then i suggest you get on board with Sleaford Mods.

 http://sleafordmods.com/

https://soundcloud.com/sleafordmods 

Rob H - January 2014

What's In A Name anyway?

Katie Hopkins - Class Warrior or Internet troll?

Over the past few weeks the name 'Katie Hopkins' has been appearing frequently on my Twitter feed. Or as she is known on there, @kthopkins. It appeared to be a general mixed bag of ill feeling towards this woman, calling her names ranging from 'snob', 'snooty' to 'insufferable old harpy' and the blunt genius of 'cunt'. Now, not having the slightest clue who this woman who was causing such ill feeling actually was, i thought I'd check out what all the fuss was about.

It appears she was a 'well known' contestant on that cavalcade of cuntery, The Apprentice (do people still watch it?) a few years ago. Gaining notoriety for being 'outspoken and forthright' - or in other words a fame hungry gobshite. Delving into the murky depths of her previous tweets it was fairly easy to see why people were getting their knickers in a twist over this woman. The tweets ranged from denigrating stay at home mums, sneering down her nose at women who take too much maternity leave and aren't back at work within three weeks like she was (which is a breeze when your offspring are cared for by a nanny) and generally calling a 'spade a spade' (which usually equates to the person being an insufferable twat). Now, people like this wouldn't usually be on my radar, but something about her condescending tone and general lack of empathy to anyone who isn't 'monied' made the hairs on my neck stand to attention. I sat and digested what she was spouting to her eleven thousand followers and gave her the benefit of the doubt that she was either just being pixyish and provocative to gain another 15 minutes in the showbiz spotlight or that she was just being a bit of a troll and didn't actually believe the things she was misguidedly pontificating upon.

Fast forward a few weeks and still the bilious, snooty tripe was pouring forth from her twitter account and still people were frothing at the mouth to put her in her place. I had to admire her zeal and how she was certainly doing a hell of a job in winding people up. 

Then yesterday a YouTube video appeared on my timeline of her being interviewed on This Morning with Pip Schofield and Holly Willoughby (not a programme I've ever watched to be honest but bear with me here) regarding her opinions on children's names. The crux of her idiotic ramblings was that she would deter he precious little poppets from ever mixing with kids with 'inferior sounding' names such as Tyler, Brooklyn, Kylie or Chantelle etc because you can tell just from a name that they are not from good enough stock to ever have anything to do with her or her kids. She appeared to be of the opinion that you can tell EVERYTHING you need to know about a child just by hearing it's name. Tyler = dodgy. Brooklyn = generic working class and a bit iffy. Kylie = your mum is a tramp darling. I sat in front of my computer screen open mouthed at her pious and offensive bile and flabbergasted that someone with such a blinkered and self righteous world view was allowed to judge other peoples children in this way live on television. The hosts and the other guest were quite right to attempt to argue that what she was dribbling forth was complete and utter bollocks, but still she rambled on. This is when the penny finally dropped that she does actually believe what she says. The highlight of this nine minutes of twattery was the following exchange between her and the old silver fox Pip Schofield...

Katie - "i don't like geographical names like children named after places"

Pip - "Your child's called India"

Honestly, you couldn't make this shit up. She argued herself into an upper middle class cul-de-sac and suddenly you could see the realisation in her eyes that her argument was being picked apart at the seams by those well known intellectuals Schofe and Willoughby. Well done Katie, you've outed yourself as a class obsessed, crashing bore on daytime telly! 

So, why am i even bothering to give this self styled attention whore an hour of my time by writing this piece about her? Well, lets take a little look around us at the moment. The country is run more or less by a quango of Tory public schoolboy toffs who have absolutely no idea how the working classes manage to live and get by. Dave, Gideon, William, Michael and Boris wouldn't have a clue what Lidl is, let alone shop there. The lack of understanding and empathy for people who struggle to get by is a bitter pill to swallow in this day and age when they are being penalised by politicians who despise them. So when an incredibly snooty, condescending, fame hungry, attention whore such as Katie Hopkins sets herself up as some sort of moral arbiter of the working classes then it's job done dearest, you've got my full attention and you've got your fifteen minutes of fame again.

Here's hoping your darling little babies friends don't ever hear what a fatuous, snobbish, blinkered, wretched woman their mummy is. Playground bullying can be a terrible thing.

Oh and by the way, the working class scumbag who's writing this has a son by the name of 'Oliver'. Stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it Duchess. 

Rob H - July 2013

Persiscope

'Falling Down' is the new release from Manchester artist Periscope, teaming up with DJ Buzz Bee 'Falling Down' is a superb mix of guitar and beats, its euphoric vibe and stunning visuals stand out yet again which has become a fixture of Periscopes style. It's material that carries many influences that stem from the artists time on the Manchester music scene that's taken in the likes of The Inspiral Carpets (drummer) and his own band The Hungry Sox, Manchesters pre-super band that consisted of Clint Boon, Chris Goodwin and Mani with Periscope (Martin Swinny) on vocals. Falling Down is taken from Periscopes forthcoming debut album; available on......

 Zozak Records 2012 © http://zozac.webs.com/

https://www.facebook.com/perisc0pe.
https://twitter.com/PERISC0PE\
http://thehungrysocks.webs.com/
periscope@live.co.uk (c) 2011
© Periscope / Martin Swinny 2012

By Carl Stanley - Sept 2012 

Blaggers N' Liars 

Mixing that classic British guitar sound with some big U.S rock influences and topping it off with a rep' for putting on some pretty amazing shows, Kav Blaggers is back and announces his support slot with Kasabian, Carl Stanley donned his Casual Musings coat and caught up with him to chat about his forthcoming releases...

 

Hi Kav,...its all go for you right now isn't it, new single due for release with your first album out to follow later this year, has it been a busy year for you up to now?

'Yeah man its absolutely crazy at the moment, our first release was the Blaggers and Liars EP with Howard Marks but this is the first full album, I play live backed by my band of blaggers- its more of a live thing to be honest, not anything we record under. Everything is performed and recorded under KAV, I suppose the closest way I could describe it would be Neil Young & Crazy Horse or Dylan playing with the band, that kinda vibe.

The albums influenced by the energy of both London and LA and was recorded in both cities, in the industrial part of down town LA- in an old factory, with the basis of some of the songs which were recorded in London at The Fortress. It was mainly me and Josh Ostrander (producer) who's in a band called Eastern Confidence Champions, and my drummer Jim Portas. I've been based over in LA for the past couple of years, trying the songs out on the west coast audiences and that's where the sound really developed- LA is a great city, you can play great gigs every few weeks. One minute your at Silverlake Lounge, The Echo, The Satellite and the next you could be playing The Viper Room, The Ely Ray or The Roxy.'

'Band of Blaggers', great name...how long have you been as a group and are they really good at blagging, the group?..who's chief blagger in the band?

'Yeah I thought I'd better give the band a name when I started to introduce them on stage, the name really comes from the single 'Blaggers n' Liars' which came out in March. I was nick-named Kav Blaggers so I thought yeah, sounds good and gave the musicians the same name- I think its more the type of thing the 50's-60's groups used to do.

I see as were turning the word blaggers into a positive rather than a negative word, you have to blag your self into situations to get any where in life. I think everyone is good at blagging when they've a gun to their heads (figure of speech of course) the song is actually dissing Blaggers 'n liars so we took the name back because it sounded cool, in the US nobody really knows what a blagger is, so its a cool name with no meaning but some thing that's just rock'n'roll.'

Really liked your last single which was all about the 'blag',... 'Blaggers and Liars', a full on rock'n'roll fuck-off to the phonies in the industry as well as a great tune to boot- next is the new single 'King Of The World' this coming September, is it anything like Blaggers and Lairs, that sex pistols energy and real catchy riffs or something totally different.

'Yeah that's a great way to put it, there are a lot of fakers out there. A blagger is a good way to describe them- We know your there and were coming to get you!, I come across them all the time and I can smell them a mile off. They spend more time on their haircuts than learning to play their fuckin instruments or listening to music that means something, the industry is full of them. They have the idea but just don't have the soul, opportunists rather than music fans as its something they do because someone else says its cool, I could never play music just to fit in (best not to get me started, its my blood boiling point) 

'King of the World' is definitely a rock'n'roll tune, Its got a fast-paced dirty vibe to it-but its not punk. Its about the underdog, the fighter and the individual, its about over coming and succeeding against all odds what ever they maybe. Everyone can be a king or a champion- it just depends what you measure it against.'  

Blaggers n' Liars 

Whats the new albums general sound and vibe like, you really get that mix of both the classic British stuff like the Stone's with the US sound of groups like Nirvana and Iggy, it has that trans-Atlantic cross/over in there doesn't it?

'That's pretty bang on to be honest, that's the vibe of the new album.'

You've grafted hard to get where you are haven't you, from starting the club nights at Turnmills to playing with the Mondays as well as the bands you've had yourself like Sonic Audio, not forgetting the 'Getloaded' fests which really took off and still going today, how have you managed to cover and deal with so much in such a short time?

'Well, all that came at once, In 2003 I'd just moved to London and I'd been running club nights called 'Groove Harder' up and down the country. With Mani, Shaun Ryder, Bez, Hooky and Clint Boon etc, guest DJ alongside my old band A.K.A Weave playing live. It was a fairly newish thing then so all the nights we did were pretty massive.

I moved back to London and no one was doing it that way so I started Get Loaded at Turnmills with the Turnmills crew and Shaun Ryder, it all just kicked off very quickly because we had a great team. Everybody was really good at their jobs and wanted to just get involved so it became really popular. Before we knew it we'd taken on the festival at Clapham Common. 

I was a kid barely in my 20's but it was great to have everyone respect you as part of it and it was great when Tony Wilson got involved- he DJ'd a few of the nights then he'd ring and make me book someone whether I thought they would work or not, you just couldn't say 'no' to him...that was the best.It was great to get his approval on what we were doing. 

It was mental at the time trying to juggle the promoters hat ,playing with my other band Sonic Audio as well as the Mondays stuff and DJ'ing but I loved every minute...the contrast was great! But now I couldn't imagine that because I'm so heavily involved with whats happening with the band, trying to do anything else would be nearly impossible right now.

Regarding the fests...I don't have anything to do with 'Getloaded' the festival anymore and I haven't since playing with The Mondays really.'

What are your roots then Kav? You're a Leicester lad aren't you? Asian background not to mention a pretty handy guitarist,..has it always been the guitar, singing and song writing for you?

'We have quite an international family really with a lot of different nationalities from all over the world but yeah I'm a Leicester lad and my main background is north Indian/Punjabi. My granddads were both fighting men with the British Army in World War 2, I believe the exact descendants of north India are the Aryans and the armies of Alexander the Great who made that part of the world their own. Then it was the Sikhs who fought against the Mughal invaders before the British came.

So my family has a lot of heritage and history, I suppose everyone does really if they look into there own background- the worlds been mixed a thousand times over- I'm not that bothered where you are from, more about where your going. 

But personally I'd class my self as a writer first, then a musician I guess.'

'I started real early playing with toy guitars when I was around 4yrs old. Writing was the first thing learning 3 chords from a Dylan song book so from there I went on to try writing my own songs, then my auntie left all her vinyls at my mums when I was 8/9. An incredible collection including the Stones, Elvis, the Beatles, Dylan and loads others which I just started playing, falling in love with the sounds, Sgt Pepper was my favourite. I loved it and from there I got into bands like Guns & Roses, Nirvana and Alice in Chains as well as Motown and old school funk but the band for me in my teens was Oasis, I was an Oasis kid...which opened me up to The Stone Roses and The Mondays. I was all over Black Grape and used to blast out 'Its Great When your Straight, Yeah' in my headphones walking home from school everyday, Primal Scream were also another big band for me. In my teens I carried on finding new stuff like Beastie Boys, NWA, Otis Redding, The Chemical Brothers and groups like the Space Monkeys and by this time I'd started fronting my own garage band and playing around Leicester, I was fourteen and knew straight away, this was it.

The singing just happened because I was writing songs but when the singer didn't turn up I just got up and did it and guess I've always kept that attitude and that's why I do the KAV thing now. I keep people in my band who are up for it all the time, keeping the energy pounding. The lads I have now are brilliant and I love em...Kieth from The Farm is also a professor at LIPA Music Academy in Liverpool and one of my best mates, he's just sent one of his graduates George our way a few weeks back who's an amazing bass player, Ive got a great Geordie lad Dan McGarrypn guitar and Jim my drummer who's been with me from the start.'

I also get the feeling your quite a respected guitarist/artist, especially stateside playing well known venues like The Viper Room as well as the people you've worked with over there, the US crowds seem to really take to the bands sound don't they?

'LA is a huge part of how this band has evolved, its like a home town to me and its where we've created the sound and vibe of the band, I've written a lot of songs over there. Ever since I went over there to play Coachella with the Mondays I just fell in love with the place, LA really seemed to welcome us in and yeah, they seem to really dig our sound, we've played some top gigs over there and made some great friends as well as supporters of the band.

This is the longest time I've been away from LA actually -almost a year but that's because we've just been so busy over hear, London's brilliant for us at the moment and I've have really enjoyed being back. We want to release the album and do the circuit in Europe first, then take it back to the States.'

I know you'll get asked all the time but what was it like, for you as an musician, working with Shaun and playing in the Happy Mondays? It seems Shaun really enjoyed performing and recording with you and you both worked well together.

'My time with Shaun was brilliant and I love and respect the man, I miss him as well because I haven't seen or spoke to him since my last gig with The Mondays at V fest 2007, but that's just the way things work out in music- you just get caught up in your own shit. I first booked Shaun as a DJ at one of my nights in Leicester then he started touring with my band A.K.A Weave. We became good friends and I DJ'd with him for a bit then the next thing  we were doing the Getloaded stuff and I said we should headline as SWR, but Shaun said lets get the Mondays back together and you play guitar, and that was it.

My time in the Mondays was eventful, you know...people say it must of been crazy, you couldn't of made it up. I was working with one of my all time favourite vocalists and we became good friends. I was a kid and he looked after me and taught me a lot, he trusted me and it gave me a lot of confidence with the role he gave me and let me go with it, he always said it was my apprenticeship. It was an absolute pleasure for me touring the world and playing the songs I listened to as a kid.

Its great all the members of the Mondays are back together now, they started it together, the magic and the name they built up so its great they're getting to do it again, yeah... I'm made up for them. When I had to learn Mark Day's guitar parts I realised what a great guitarist he his, I knew he was good but my respect levels went through the roof...and the best part of it all is that Paul and Shaun are talking again. The only person I've really seen since is Bez and its always good to see him! we both joined Datarock on stage at the Garage a few months back.'

August has turned out as a busy month gig wise, you've just headlined the club NME nights, played the Olympic shows at Hyde Park and looking next to supporting Kasabian at Brixton Academy on the 20th,..itching to get out there and play some of the new stuff?

'Yeah its been great so far...club NME was fantastic- it was packed and the place was literally bouncing, the energy in there was incredible- it was probably one of the best gigs we've played. I cant wait for the Kasabian gig, I've known the lads from Leicester since we were pretty young, they are one of the biggest bands and its massive for us, I'm buzzing about it and it shows we must be doing things right to be even considered as its one of the hottest supports in music at the moment, especially with it being Brixton Academy.'

...and if there was anything you would love to 'blag' Kav, what would it be...

'A time machine.'

© Carl Stanley / Causal Musings From Suburbia - August 2012

Heaton Park - A Month On

Heaton Park - A Month On

 

I wanted to wait a while before i put my thoughts down on here about The Stone Roses playing their three comeback gigs at Heaton Park in Manchester. Not because i couldn't think of anything to write, but because i wanted to let the dust settle in my mind about just how good it really was. 

My initial reaction as i walked out of Heaton Park on the Sunday evening was that i had just witnessed probably the finest live performance in my lifetime. As i got back to the hotel in Manchester city centre i felt the same way. As i carried on drinking until 3am i felt the same. When i woke up bleary eyed and with the fucker of all hangovers on Monday morning i still felt the same. Would i still feel the same as the weeks passed by though? Would i still feel like it was a monumental moment when the effects of the booze and chemicals wore off and i had slipped idly back into the mundane and grey world of work?

Well, exactly a month has passed and I'm still absolutely convinced that it was magical and that The Roses are still the most important band of my generation. I can't think of a single other act out there who could gather together 75,000 people from all four corners of these isles for three nights running and create a vibe where everyone was buzzing and getting off on the music without the merest hint of moodiness - see Oasis / Beady Eye / Kasabian live for details of this - or the feeling you'd wasted your money. The closest vibe to it that i'd experinced at a gig previously was Paul Weller at Finsbury Park in 1996, but i put that down to too many beers and being off my tits on Ecstacy, but that's a different blog for a different day. 

Having opted to cram in more valuable drinking time, it was decided to give the support acts a miss. Which was a bit of a shame really because i fancied seeing The Wailers but hey-ho when the beers are going down nicely not even the prospect of Marley's mates could tempt us away. After getting out of the taxi -shared with an old Portsmouth 657 Crew fella, his teenage daughter and her very odd, pilled up older mate - and making our way into Heaton Park it was a relief I'd left my desert boots back at the hotel and opted for a knackered old pair of Adidas Rekord, because the place was ankle deep in mud. Never mind though, more beers were consumed - the queueing system appeared to have sorted itself out from the Friday when people snapped at the waiting time and stormed the bar - and the sun started to dip down behind the trees. We found ourselves a spot to the right hand side of the stage, supped up our beer (but didn't collect our fags) and waited for the strains of Stoned Love by The Supremes to come wafting out of the PA. As it did so the atmosphere changed and you could see and feel people start bobbing up and down in anticipation of seeing Brown, Squire, Mani & Reni come onstage and smash out the tunes we loved so much in our youth. As a footnote to this can i just say that trying to Northern Soul dance in ankle deep mud is not really advisable and you will get mud on your favourite Harrington jacket as a result. 

I won't labour the point or bore you with a song-by-song review because lets face it, we all know that the set list runs something like this and if you don't know any of these songs then I'm not sure why you've read this far...

'I Wanna Be Adored'
'Mersey Paradise'
'(Song For My) Sugar Spun Sister'
'Sally Cinnamon'
'Where Angels Play'
'Shoot You Down'
'Bye Bye Badman'
'Ten Storey Love Song'
'Standing Here'
'Fools Gold'
'Something's Burning'
'Waterfall'
'Don't Stop'
'Love Spreads'
'Made Of Stone'
'This Is The One'
'She Bangs The Drums'
'Elizabeth My Dear'
'I Am The Resurrection'

... which lets face it - apart from missing out Elephant Stone - is as good a greatest hits set as you'll get from any band. The stand out moments for me were a beautiful rendition of (Song For My) Sugar Spun Sister, the absolutely nuts Don't Stop & The psychedelic outro of I Am The Resurrection. All topped off with an Olympic opening ceremony sized firework display to a soundtrack of Redemption Song by Bob Marley. You know it's been a good day when you manage to grab a cab back into town within 5 minutes of walking out of the gates for the knock-down price of twenty quid!

To all the know-it-alls and the 'i was there the first time round maaaaaan and they won't be the same' doom merchants, you were wrong. You were very, very wrong. They pulled it off in a way that will be talked about for years to come. In a way that made me look at the music industry today and wonder where another band like them is going to come from? A band with a front man as charismatic as Brown? A band with a guitarist as mind bendingly loud and brilliant as Squire? A band with a rhythm section of Mani & Reni that The Meters would be proud of? Let's face it, they are a complete one-off and for my money we'll never, ever see a band that can do what they do again. So a month later with the dust settled and my thoughts straight i am absolutely 100% certain it was by a country mile the greatest gig I'd ever seen.

As Mani said to the audience on the Friday night  "not bad for a bunch of old cunts!"

Rob H - Aug 2012 - dedicated to the memory of Chris Brahney. RIP kiddo - One love.

Stone Roses Inspired Art

Stone Roses Inspired Art 

by Carl Stanley 

 

 

Three very talented Stone Roses fans have each used their know-how and skills in creating their own very unique and beautiful pieces of 'Roses' inspired art. From mosaics and stone carvings to pin badges and t-shirts each one has caught the eye of many a Stone Roses fan on the net, and in some cases the band themselves.
'Stone Icon', 'Mosaink' and 'Minty' give some background on their art work.

Working under the name of 'Stone Icon' this Stone Roses fan's talent for carving stone has produced probably some of the most unique pieces of 'Roses' art-work with a wonderful collection of carved images and portraits of the band

'When I was in my mid twenties I was taken under the wing by an Italian sculptor ( Marcelo Nardi) who taught me a great deal but also encouraged my own style which is paramount to a carver. When I am carving you can guarantee that I will have some Roses tunes on...inspiration ey?...The buzz comes from when you know it is going to work, I only have one crack at it so when I see the form I want I have to admit I get a tad excited!. I never reproduce a carving twice so in turn each one is an original along with the stars that I like to add to them as they can have a magical quality. Before I begin a carving, off my own back or a commission I will always try and to get the photographers permission before beginning."

 Made of Stone

'It can take me months of deliberation/composition thought and basically headaches on how I want a carving to look. The recent Tilton Spike Island carving had been sat around for half a year before I touched it with a chisel. Just kept changing my mind. I just love to carve and if someone wants a commission then great. They know that they will own a unique piece of art that will last forever. I would say that my recent Spike Island carving which was featured in Ian Tilton's exhibition in Bedford, has proved to be the most popular to date.
The sizes will vary from the very small to a general increase in height and width. There is no small/medium or large, it just depends on the material that is available to me, which is usually Welsh or Italian slate. I would love to carve a huge image of Reni, he's the business ain't he?....and try and capture his fluidity....with some stars thrown in!. The price can vary from £50 to £400 and above......not that many £400 and above get sold though, especially these days.'

 

 

 

Return of the Roses

'Heaton Park meant the world to me, I was also lucky enough to be at Warrington and that was phenomenal, men crying, singing the chords and the feeling of happiness in that room was tangible, then I headed to Barcelona for 2 dates and that just pissed all over Warrington. Unbelievably superb!! And of course The Heaton Park gigs. A communal gathering of slightly older dudes having the best time - Great...still not come down from it I think!?!. As for a way to commemorate Heaton Park, I am not sure. Someone had suggested doing the poster as a stone one, like a big plaque, but it seems a bit final to me...like a memorial rather than a celebration and lets face it, The Stone Roses coming back has made a lot of people happy.'

A stunning piece of art I think most Stone Roses fans would love to see hung in their own homes is the beautifully detailed mosaic style portrait of Ian Brown, from his 'Un-finished Monkey Business' album its one of a kind and created by the artist Joel Turner aka 'Mosaink'.

'I produce art under the name ‘Mosaink’; a term I coined to describe my style, which is hand drawn mosaic patterns in ink. The Ian Brown ‘Unfinished Monkey Business’ piece was drawn with a 0.05mm technical pen on 8” X 10” heavy weight paper, anything much larger than an A4 would feel like a bit of a daunting task to embark on! I originally started it in April 2011. With the mosaic I kept doing little bits and then leaving it, so it wasn't completed until February 2012. All my pieces are one off originals. I usually post them to my Facebook and Twitter accounts, but I’ve not actually shown any of my work in an exhibition, yet!'

 

Monkey Business

'Unfinished Monkey Business- Ian Brown's debut album as a solo artist has always felt like a very special piece of work to me. I love its raw lo-fi feel, I always look for images with plenty of contrast and distinct features that will look great in the finished work. I do like drawing Ian Brown because he has an interesting face with sharp prominent features that I can easily pick out, he’s instantly recognisable to a lot of people, especially in Manchester where I've lived and worked for most of my life. I’ve always been a massive Stone Roses fan and have loved all Ian’s solo work, so they have featured in quite a few pieces over the years. I think it’s my way of expressing my love and respect for them and their art, a piece like the Ian Brown mosaic from start to finish can take around 15 to 20 hours or more to complete.

The monkeys in the image are because they are my favourite animals and they do pop up in my work quite a bit, either as the image or as part of the image. The chimp in Ian’s eye has featured in an earlier piece I produced; a wedding gift for my monkey loving sister. The pattern usually contains hidden images which are camouflaged within the detail; stars and hearts regularly appear alongside images associated with the subject I’m drawing. In other drawings of Ian I have hidden things like his astrological sign, dolphins and monkeys, the Adidas Trefoil; things which would be considered a part of his public profile.'

 

Spreading the Love
'I sent the finished ‘Unfinished Monkey Business’ piece to Dave Atkins (Stone Icon) after seeing the video of him producing the same piece in stone; I thought it would look nice above his fire place, and I can’t keep them all - it’s nice to spread the love around!. I've no idea if Ian has seen this piece but I would imagine he’s probably seen some of my other works; I did a collaboration t shirt with a clothing label called ‘Retreat’ and some of the players in Ian’s solo band have them (I've also seen a picture of Gruff Rhys- ex-'Super Furry Animals' wearing one). Earlier this year I ran into Maxi (the drummer from Ian's solo band) on Oldham Street in Manchester and he referred to me as the 'man who does the patterns'.

I was lucky enough to be at both the Friday and Saturday nights at Heaton Park, and from where I was stood the Roses were mind blowing. The atmosphere was electric; they were without a shadow of doubt the best gigs I have ever been to. The reunion has already inspired a drawing of the four of them together; I always love drawing the Roses and I'm sure they will be the focus of many a mosaink to come. '
Mosaink website; http://www.mosaink.co.uk/

Known as 'aguycalledminty' this fellas artwork has become quite popular on line with a collection of prints,
T-shirts and some pretty cool pin badges, again the work of another big 'Roses' fan Minty's work has caught the attention of many Stone Roses fans with his trademark colourful cartoon-ish style of Stone Roses images.

'I've been drawing and painting since I was old enough to pick up a pencil. Loved Music since day 1, I always remember my first LP when I was 7 which was "The Beach Boys greatest hits" never looked back. If I wasn't an artist I would love to been in a band. As for the roses work...I've basically been painting different images of Ian Brown for about 8 years now, beginning of last year I started to sketch and paint the roses on brown paper and it seemed to get a good response and then one magical day they announced they'd reform after yrs of speculation around it all, but it was happening and the Stone Roses commissions started coming in. '

 Style

'I think I've kinda got my own style, though I don't set out automatically thinking I'm gonna paint it this way...it just happens from an early sketch to a finished design / painting. A lot of my work I do commission wise comes from word of mouth. I usually hear how people have asked others where they got a piece of mine from, their reply "aguycalledminty" so this name stuck. Been using it for about four years ...even my kids call me it.
Studied art GCSE A level, even went to art college. But probably my biggest regret is not getting a degree for my passion. Cut a long story short at that age Id rather of earned crap money in an office job and going on the lash with the boys, what lad wouldn't at that age. It wasn't till I bought my first house at 25 I decided to get back into I. creating pieces from around the house. But I can honestly say that everything Ive done or created from then until now has all been from being self taught, I have a few pointers here and there in school- so that's probably the proudest achievement' in how I've created my work.

 

Limited

'The hardest piece I've took on would be the recent 'Stone Roses' in Japan and trying to colour a painting from a B&W photo. Most popular Id say are easily the Cartoon Roses. My Jaw dropped to see the pin badges sell out in hours and then again on the rerun. The 'roses' pin badges were originally limited to 100 pieces and I was adamant that they'd stay like that, but I've had countless emails and tweets to do a rerun,..so I buckled. But 200 sets out there now and that's me done, there may be other roses idea's in the future though.

I wasn't aware the roses knew about my work until I received an email from Mani one morning, my jaw dropped and my hangover soon disappeared. It means everything...and it means I'll just keep keeping on....and yeah, I was at Heaton on the Sunday. The place was rammed as you'd expect and full of mud. Didn't see or meet anyone with my tee's on though,.. though I wasn't looking because the atmosphere was buzzing and the roses were immense, I'd love to see one of their gigs in an arena.'

aguycalledminty website; http://aguycalledminty.bigcartel.com/

  © Carl Stanley / Casual Musings From Suburbia July 2012

Taurus Trakker

Taurus Trakker 

Carl Stanley is back to Casual Musings to run the rule over a West London duo with Clash connections....

Meet west London punk-blues duo Taurus Trakker. Their recently released album 'Building Ten' is raw, honest and adhering absolutely to the ‘write what you know’ principle as well as having the West London skyline looming over it and its roots literally buried beneath the Westway; because front-man Martin Muscatt is Mick Jones's cousin but rather than just the family connection Martin couldn't help but soak up and take on some of that same glory The Clash had about their music as he grew up closely with the band and their music. 

The energy, realness and the ability to play head-on / exciting rock'n'roll comes from straight from the heart. Both Martin (vocals, guitars) and Allison Phillips (drums) stride that line between classic late 70's London and some thing that's totally their own, something fresh.

“A most impressive album indeed” - Rich Deakin, Vive le Rock

“a masterful example of swamp-tinged classic rock” - David Ellis, Tour Times 

With songs like ‘West London Rock‘n’Roll’ you can hear their celebration in both a personal history and the broader Portobello tradition which remains something of a hidden gem in London’s ‘music capital’, ' 21miles To A Water Pump' is another highlight, its almost jazzy fused intro settling into a mix of blues/punk topped off with a fantastic rhythm and chunky riffs makes it one of those songs you instantly take to.

'21miles to a water pump'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFz7xePRusE&feature=relmfu

But the track 'Building Ten' itself is definitely a stand out on the album, its the sound of that generation from the capital that made rock'n'roll important again so not surprising to discover Mick Jones playing with Martin on this one, its total suss and no messing foot-to-the floor drive makes it probably the albums best tune.

'Building Ten'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGQGVVL3pTk&feature=relmfu

In fact Mick's known to make last minute appearances with Taurus Trakker on stage when he can make it as well as contributing in the studio and in the words of the man him self  "Martin is all about some thing and that's what I feel what's really important these days, I love the band".

April/May dates to be announced soon...www.taurustrakker.co.uk


Mick Jones & Taurus Trakker, Train in Vain
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aLcYzC_NQI&feature=relmf

Carl Stanley - April 2012 

Derek

Derek

I like Ricky Gervais. I loved The Office and Extras. I think An Idiot Abroad is a work of art, although that is mainly down to Karl Pilkington. I even think he hits the spot now and again with his stand up comedy.

In thirty five confusing, pea brained, mealy mouthed, poorly thought out minutes last night he undid all that good work with his latest offereing 'Derek'. Thirty five minutes of confusing, poorly acted nonsense that was billed as a 'comedy / drama'. Unfortunately this mean spirited and unlikeable piece of television offered neither. As far as i could make out it was Gervais in a comedy cardigan, with a comedy comb-over, jutting his chin out and shuffling around the place. The problem with that is Gervais is just not a good enough actor to pull it off. Dustin Hoffman as Rainman? Yes. Ricky Gervais as Derek? No. It says something about your limited ability when you're acted off the screen by Karl Pilkington in a wig.

As far as I'm concerned if you're going to portray an eccentric and obviously mentally disabled middle aged man and try and play it for laughs you at least have to try and appeal to the viewers sense of pathos. Gervais was as far away from hitting the spot than a Fernando Torres potshot at goal. Therefore i sat there perplexed as to exactly what he was trying to say. Were we meant to laugh at Derek? Were we meant to laugh with him? Were we not meant to laugh at all and realise halfway through that the joke was on us for finding any of it amusing? If anyone can offer an answer to these questions I'd be intrigued to hear it because i still can't fathom it out. Perhaps Gervais should have treated himself to a DVD copy of 'That Peter Kay Thing'. The Episode 'Leonard' where Kay plays an old eccentric man and Britain's oldest paperboy was dripping in pathos. He knew where to play it for laughs and where to stop it in it's tracks and tug at the heartstrings. Gervais decided that doing a comedy fall into a garden pond was the level he wanted to pitch Derek at. The only time he came within a mile of showing a delicate touch was when he arrived back at the old peoples home with his lottery tickets only to be informed that his old lady friend had died. For a brief moment we saw what might have been before he reverted to hamming up the comedy walk and jutting his comedy chin out even further.

The signs were there with 'Lifes Too Short' which i managed to persevere with for one episode. Not because i found it particularly offensive but because it was achingly shit and unfunny. At the moment watching Gervais trying to be edgy and difficult is like watching your favourite band put out a double album of freeform jazz and white noise. He appears to have no-one around him to say 'Ricky, that is absolute bollocks and if you commit it to film you're going to undo ten years of undeniable brilliance'. 

Gervais has said in the past ‘just because someone is offended it doesn’t mean they’re right’ and he's absolutely correct. Although if you're going to try and offend people at least do it with a sense of style and panache and at the very least be funny.

Rob H - 2012

Rusholme Rock

The Stone Roses are back.......and so is Aziz Ibrahim with a new solo album. Carl Stanley runs the rule over his new offering.

Rusholme Rock

April sees Aziz Ibrahim return with his new solo album Rusholme Rock, described by the man himself as kind of 'Asian Blues', this blessed and extremely talented guitarist has both re-visited past material and created new songs for this his second solo release.

With only Aziz and Tabla master Dalbir Singh Rattan playing on the album they create a big sound for two guys, these two very accomplished players come up with a host of beautifully layered sounds and traditional re-workings on some of the guitarists most renowned work, the classic Ian Brown tune 'My Star' re-christened here as 'My Sitar', Aziz's acoustic version brings out his and the songs roots which is just as hypnotic as the original.

Rusholme Rock's enlightening opener 'Xen and Now' is a traditional Pakistani sounding piece made almost cinematic with amazing guitar work but the albums interest point could well be the return to songs like My Star, Kills Me and Middle Road which go closer to the guitarist's own interpretation and how he probably heard these songs the first time round, like the track that has had much bearing and influence on his own musical journey, 'Morassi', a song first released on a Melody Maker compilation many years ago it turned into a personal favourite and has been re-worked into one of the albums highlights, an uplifting beautiful feel of time and space and as you'd expect his playing is awesome, and though some of it might sound electric don't be fooled as everything on here is played on acoustic guitar.

Again songs like 'Kills Me' have appeared before but its the chemistry between these two players that takes them somewhere else, his ability to showcase his own style over his Pakistani traditional background and rock'n'roll chops is felt no more than on 'Middle Road', heard before on a earlier release he offers up probably his best version to date, sounding like a rock tune but played in his eastern style with some great lyrics its just a fantastic cross over and example of what he does so well.

Aziz Ibrahim's overall influences and love for all music comes through in the albums closer 'Heavens Rain', that of something very oriental and bluesy at the same time, which is quite an achievement in its self but also something very delicate and probably offers the best window to the mans appetite and understanding and playing of a whole range of genres, sounds and traditions of music.

Rusholme Rock also includes a fantastic and outrageous version of Sonny Curtis's 'I Fought The Law' which plays as the perfect centre piece providing the albums middle ground, we all know it but it comes at you from a totally different place, its clever, fun and sounds great, and its one The Clash would of tipped their hats to no doubt.

So if Lahore to Longsight was Aziz going back in time and tracking the roots of his families journey in music then Rusholme Rock is showcasing his own unique journey in sound, style and influences and bringing them together, a truly beautiful album.

Playing Friday the 4th of May at Monto Water Rats Aziz launches 'Rusholme Rock' performing several tracks from the album

http://www.facebook.com/events/222046744561887/

 

Viva La Roses!

I did something strange last Friday. Something i haven't done for a long time. Something if i'm being honest, i thought i'd never do again.

I got genuinely excited about going to see a band play a gig. 

Not any old band though and certainly not any old gig. The band in question is The Stone Roses.

So after the best part of an hour refreshing web pages whilst holding on the phone i managed to secure a couple of tickets for the resurrection of my generations version of The Beatles at Heaton Park in Manchester next year.

Carl Stanley did similar....here's his take on the events of last week. 

Rob H

The Stone Roses - Back And All Soul'd Out

The great ticket rush of Friday 21st for Stone Roses concerts was like nothing ever seen before, 220,000 tickets, all 3 days sold out in 68 minutes, the quickest in history for any UK band.

Everyone & their uncle must have had a go at 9.30 am that Friday morning, two phones on the go while manning the PC getting wound up by the minute & hammering the redial button, dreams were made & lost in side the first fifteen minutes of the tickets going on line.

The sheer joy of those who so luckily got through on the phone or PC for the chance to spend about £220  on four tickets could be seen on Facebook with posts like..."got mine!" which would of obviously pissed off the many while staring at their monitor screens with the phone welded to their ear only to hear that dreaded Ticket-Line recorded message everyone probably knows off by heart now,..the voice of that monotone voiced woman who provides the very polite but annoying..."sorry, due to a high demand these lines are busy, please try again later" message that I'm sure many had ringing in their head for hours after.

To be honest Ticket Master & co should of knocked up another message that went  "you know its never going to happen you fool!......but please try again later"

Some great stories about like one lucky lad who got through twice on the phone & ended up with EIGHT tickets for the Friday night suddenly found his ex, who apparently swore she'd never look at him again & was now in another relationship, at his door three hours after he'd told his mates he'd got them with, or a lad I know who was trying to get tickets on the phone & on line listening to the radio that had some kid who'd just won four VIP tickets in a competition he entered by mistake saying he might go or give em away, because he "wasn't really into them" & would of preferred Take That tickets, this lad got so wound up hearing this ungrateful kid on the radio while getting nowhere trying to get his own tickets he stood up and kicked his living room door and put his foot straight through it!...Maybe the lad on the radio, with the VIP tickets that he's not bothered about, could take him?

And then there's the press conference itself, which was great for loads of reasons, listening to Mani's 'Bernard Manning' deliveries, Ian giving it to the guy from The Mail, Reni for saying more to the press than he did in all his years with the Roses & John for simply showing up.

But most of all it was the announcement of new material, well maybe, but by the sound of it there seems to be a good chance of it happening: a world tour, new tunes (and hopefully some Squire art work to accompany it all) amounts to a full on come-back - could this be the true second coming for the band? The one they went out to do sixteen long years ago.

They looked and sounded like they really want it and have that fire in their bellies still, despite Reni's claims of being 'rusty' and that 'drummers should quit in their late thirties.

I don't think he would be doing this if he thought he couldn't, in fact I'm really looking forward to hearing him do his thing again, remember the early 90's when bands on the scene unashamedly jumped his style, or tried to; like Blur's "There's No Other Way" & The Mock Turtles "Can You Dig it". As well as those magic backing vocals on tracks like " Going Down" its a very welcome return for this talented musician, Joe Strummer said "any band is only as good as it's drummer", in that case the signs are looking great because The Roses have probably the finest drummer of the past 25 years.

When the band were doing press around the late 80's early 90's They'd say "hopefully people who come to see us will get into it and'll go home and do something them selves" it could have been a sly dig at the bands of the time going through a Stone Roses make-over but I really believe the band believed that ethos themselves.......and probably still do.  

That spirit would be one of the biggest things that could come out of all this, inspiring 'The Kids' again - like Liam was inspired to go out and put Oasis together after watching The Roses fronted by Ian Brown at the International one night back in 88. He said it changed his life and if last Friday's ticket stampede is anything to go by......he wasn't alone.

Viva La Roses!

Carl Stanley  - October 2011

The B-Team - Reviewed by Carl Stanley

The B Team

Think Bash Street Kids planning a riot that includes a Laurel & Hardy combo and PC/Media savvy nutters who struggle to earn their football hooligan stripes, they are The B Team.
Put together by jonny Owen (Shameless,Svengali) and Pete Jones (Rob Brydon's brother) with Eddie Piller as "Old Vic", a fila wearing football yob mod, The B Team will have you creasing up as they desperately try to make the top 5 in the "Hoolie League" so they can join the elite and follow England, but at joint 12th with Barnet things arn't looking to good.
From getting their fixtures mixed up and accidently bumping into Millwall to losing their signals on their phones and not realising Cardiff City are right behind them.
Follow Jay, Dog, Big Les, Justin and Old Vic as they plot and scheme from their London pub...you've seen the teaser.... Episode 1 coming soon...narration by The IT Crowds Matt Berry..


Absolutely hilarious...as someone who could always find a mysterious pie stall, and lurk in it's queue whenever there was a big off in the air, I doff my dearstalker to the B-Team...' Irvine Welsh....

'Brilliant...Dads Army for Casuals'...James Brown Sabotage Times..

© Carl Stanley - April 2011

Just Say No by Carl Stanley

Drugs are for mugs. Or so they say. Usually those people who have never sampled them shout that the loudest and in all honesty they've probably got a point. 

Let's get it out in the open, i reckon there are far more of us who have sampled drugs on a recreational basis than we realise. Keeping it locked away as a dirty little secret. I know when i was younger i dabbled in coke, ecstasy, acid, speed, spliff, mushrooms and even ketamine a couple of times (makes me feel wobbly just thinking about it) but never became addicted and was always strong enough to know when to stop and get up for work the next morning and certainly always steered clear of a few old mates who were into smack. Some users aren't quite as lucky. 

Their drug dependency becomes all encompassing and a lifestyle of dark, piss stained bedsits, dodgy geezers and ducking and diving just to score a few quid for some gear starts to become the norm. As does watching friends keel over and overdose and even succumbing yourself.

Carl Stanley is one of those people. 99% clean now (come on, none of us are angels are we?) and prepared to share his story. Beware, it's not a Trainspotting style 'Hey Hey We're The Junkies!' type romp.....it's a work in progress that hopefully he'll keep people updated with that is dark, sad, sometimes funny and always gripping.........

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------

Its safe to say anyone who either likes a spliff now and again or has a nasty rock habit will have a catalog of drug taking, selling, and buying stories that went wrong, we don't go to Tesco's to buy a bag of weed, get a receipt from a nice smiling lady on the till and be safe in the knowledge that no one was used or abused in the making of our shopping, in the name of drug activity we jump through hoops some times in order to partake.

Anyone who visits their local run down council estate to score (unless your living in it) or makes a B-line for the pub toilet for a sniff will always be at risk of everything going tits-up, whether its getting ripped off, getting caught with them and even worse losing the plot or going over, sad to say I have had the experience of both.

So keeping this in mind I have recalled a few low drug moments of my own,

Taking

Whether its some one your with who is doing your head in with incessant talking about pointless crap because they are off their trolley to having a bad turn or reaction to some thing you or some one snorted, smoked or at worst injected to actually being caught in the act, being sprung while trying to sort your self out, taking drugs can be a mission in its self.

Being one of the many idiots to join the idiot club (Heroin addiction) I have my own experiences of drug taking going very wrong.

Going over, overdosing or what ever you call it are literally heart stopping moments, I have overdosed my self and have also had people overdose in my home.

Regarding my self and going over, I came back to my home town after spending 4 months in Borrow in Furness working on the building of a Battle Ship the HMS Bulwark, working for the Ministry of Defence and having to sign the official secrets act as part of your contract making sure no one talks about what they do at work down the pub, I was either withdrawing or high running around this Battle ship getting lost on the different levels on a daily basis.

But I was mostly withdrawing as it was a town I struggled to score in on a daily basis in but I needed the money so toughed it out for 4 months.

Coming back home my tolerance to the Heroin was down, meaning because my habit had decreased I would really feel the effects of a normal hit of gear, and thats exactly what happened.

Basically I met up with a couple of other user mates and scored like normal, but even my mate said       "you alright with this, the gear is good and you haven't been using much" but being greedy and a typical junkie wanting to nod out I said its fine and lets get it on.

I hadn't been using needles long so my mate sorted that out and with in seconds I was back on the sofa watching the TV, apparently one of the lads said to my mate "your mate alright" and with that my mate shoved me, I just slumped to one side.

I was dragged to the floor and slapped about ,water thrown on me and stood up and walked, or dragged about the room, my mate sent a lad for an ambulance as we didn't have any credit between us but this lad was called back about 4 times as I would come around with my mate shouting " its alright Steve, Ive got him back" to me going blue again, stopping breathing and nodding out.

Obviously I was out for the count so I have to take my mates account for what happened next, there was a girl at the flat and she started putting her hands down my boxer shorts with my mate totally gone out at what was going on, he said he thought she was kinky like that, she was actually a prostitute and the reason she was trying to pull me off was to try and get blood flowing,..now I still don't know whether it made any fkn difference to my recoverery but I woke up to me lying in my mates arms while this scruffy bird is gripping my nob and wanking me off like my life depended on it, in fact thats why she did it, I was that fkd that I really didn't realize what she was doing but when I saw her hands down there and me in my mates arms I thought I was being taken advantage of,.. to this day when I see my mate (who is still on the gear) he gives me the wanker sign but I found out yrs later reading a magazine article that Janis Joplin, or a friend of hers started blowing this guy off back stage one night because he went over and it was claimed it revived him, who knows, Who cares.

I've also had to deal with some one going over in my flat a few years after this, I was in the same position, still a junkie and still in the same neighborhood .

One day I was just popping out my grubby little flat leaving a couple at my flat while I nipped out to see a man about a dog when this lad I know turns up asking me to score some crack for him, this lad wasn't a junkie but a drinker and enjoyed a rock now and again so would come to mine for me to sort it for him,  I told my mate who was flat sitting to look after this lad while I was out and when I get back I would get this guy, called Dave, some crack.

Well getting back to my flat coming through the door I was just in time to see this typically selfish junkie bastard cooking up some gear and telling Dave to get his sleeve rolled up. He had talked Dave into spending his money on Heroin because he wanted a taste him self,..."What the fk do you think your doing, he don't use pins dick head, He'll go over"

This fell on deaf ears as this guy who I left to look after Dave slapped his arm scouting for a vein to use, I walked in the kitchen, where shooting and smoking took place and saw the needle in his arm with, lets call him Mr Selfish, pushing the crap we call Heroin into his thick and healthy arms, with no track marks and a healthy glow to Dave's skin it instantly indicated he was not even a recreational user and his arm was virgin territory to dirty junkies injecting his veins with shit, the signs did not look good.

Dave feels the hit, moves to the living room and I tell Mr Selfish to watch him, so I'm having a piss and trying to get my head together after watching some thing very wrong when I hear the shriek of the girl who was with MR selfish so I run to my living room to see Dave flat out on the floor with Mr Selfish stood over him like the useless twat that he was, I go into "Oh Shit mode" and put Dave into the recovery position which is on his side and making his breathing easy, while slapping and again throwing water over him with mad dashes to the kitchen to fill the cups with water.

I shout at Mr Selfish to go and ring a ambulance and he duely excepts and flys out my front door, so I'm thinking "the medics on the way, keep him breathing" but about 30 seconds later the girl who was still there said " he will do what he did last time when this happened" ...what the fk are you talking about , I ask her..." last time we were some where and some one went over he did a runner, he hasn't gone to ring anyone, hes fkd off".

This is getting better...., I'm shouting and slapping Dave while telling her to "go to the phone, you ring em" so like Mr Selfish she is out the door, but this time I know I'm going have to do this so I shout for my up stairs neighborer and he is down stairs real quick with a phone, he told me later he was listening to it all and was to scared to come down, poor bastard.

Pleased to say I saw Dave months later and he told me the medics said  he owed me one, though it could of been all so different.

Buying

Touch wood I have never been caught with drugs by the Police, and these days I'm not likely to but I have ridden my luck in the past.

I have been bumped off with the odd bag of shit gear, bash...but it was the purchase of a nine bar of fine Moroccan solid that got me and some of my mates right in the shit, though again it could of been worse.

I went to Magaluf at 17 on the promise of a job painting villas and some where cheap to stay, I was on the dole and scrounged the air fare from my Dad (he bought me a 1 way ticket) but with 5 of us altogether out there, and 1 of the lads more or less a local due to growing up there for a bit and having family there I assumed it would be easy street.

After 2 weeks painting villas hung-over the novelty wore off, this led to the suggestion from my mate who knew the island and some of the people to buy a "nine-bar of Moroccan" make loads of deals out of it and punt it to the holiday makers busting for a smoke, we really should of kept painting them villas while throwing up hung over because it was still a better option compared to the mess we made.

on the 5th night of going out, splitting up and getting rid of our really small, piss take £10 deals of resin we got collared by two plain clothes police, they made it quite clear they were happy with them selves gripping us, we were took behind the night club where we were hanging out side of and in that 10 meter walk God knows how but I managed to get my hands in my pockets and discard the 5-6 deals in my pocket (Id sold the rest).

So I was alright but one of my mates copped it when one officer found a couple of deals in his pocket, straight away this lad tried to eat the evidence and got a slap and cuffed to a lamppost for his efforts, and while we were being turned over so was our apartment in which they pulled to bits and found another of the lads stash ( we did say "don't keep ya shit in the flat") it was a couple of ounce and they found more deals cut up, but he payed the price along with the other lad who tried eating his draw.

They were summand to the local bobby station to find out what their fate would be,....when they got back they looked glum and said they tried to play it stupid when asked "where you score, who" they said  "some guy in a night club" in which they were told they would either go back to the night club with 2 undercover bobbies that night to point these men out, or they would take the charge and not see their passports again, what an option, well that night they went to the night club and pretended to spot the phantom dope dealer, obviously they wen'rt going to finger anyone but they needed to play for time.

After 2 nights of this ordeal they were getting visions of "Midnight Express", I was down the road drinking in a bar thinking what my options were when my 2 friends turned up and said "were off", so we fled to Palma City for two 1 day passports for these 2 newly formed on the run petty drug dealers from the British Consulate. With those two now sorted for departure it was the airport next, and I would like to finish on some thing like we got a flight and made an easy get away, but we actually got on a flight that late that we only found out which UK airport we were actually landing at while flying, while in the air we had a game of guess the airport with the lad who booked it while we sorted out the luggage, he couldn't quite remember which airport it was we were landing so I went through all these airports with my mate saying "nope, not that one" to every airport I suggested until he said "I think it starts with an E", basically he didn't give a shit because he had just dashed a Spanish drug charge and would of taken a flight to Guantanamo Bay just to see the back of Magaluf.

The letter E has been quite influential in the past and the basis of many great nights but this time it represented the only airport I knew which started with an E, Exeter, considering we had about £1:50 between us and a few Spanish coins we were stranded in Exeter needing to be in Humberside, and to cap it off when we landed the customs chap pulled me and had me for a random drug search, by the way I was looking I don't think it was that random, they rubbed a tissue in my pockets to see if I had carried anything, the tissue would turn blue if I had been carrying anything with the chemical they use on the tissue reacting to the smallest of traces, I was very nicely told by one customs chap that "if it turns blue Mr Stanley it means you have been carrying drugs, there fore you will be arrested".

We all stood there watching this piece of tissue with baited breath, or rather mine was,.I was shitting my self while receiving evil looks from the German Alsatian sniffer dog, the color stayed white and I was waved on and as I walked off I had 1 thought only, I had made sure I placed enough smooth Spanish draw  in my mouth for a post flight spliff, which set me up for the 2 days travelling and thumbing it home as 1 by 1 people made there own way home.

Taking the piss

I have to include this, and I hope a Yorkshire bobby never reads this, in fact any bobby.

I was once in the back of a car in Sheffield taking night club supplements and all of a sudden the little metro I'm in is surrounded by police, we all panic and start putting stuff away, necking and crushing things. 

To my luck I was stuck in the back and in the middle, there were 5 in the car and all of em could be got at easy as they were next to windows but I had that little window of time to slip things into my mouth, a wrap of this and 2 of them wrapped up, so i was already feeling quite cocky before I even got out the car while the other lads were having things being found on them, I could hear shouts coming from the drug squad officer saying "watch him in the back, watch his arms" I was gripped, yet again by the plod.

But again the patron saint of lucky bastards was looking down on me and all my little treats were tucked away in places where they wouldn't go, if it came on top I would should swallow the shit down. So it was off to the police station and again theres a seating situation because there is not enough room for everyone to sit down in the police van for the trip to the plod-shop so I was given the floor and was tucked away in the corner, the only one who could see me was a mate who glanced at me like he was fkd, and he knew it, so you can imagine he was well pissed off with me when I thought I would have a little laugh by moving the little wrap of pills with my tongue to show my mate while he was hand cuffed to a bobby, if looks could kill and I was already thinking what I was doing as soon as I was out of the grip of the plod.

The one thing I did have and didn't want in my mouth was a lump of resin, it wasn't even that big but by now I was buzzing of all this shit melting in my mouth so I think fk it and as we are led into the station I drop the small piece of resin on the floor out side the doors, actually thinking " I'll be back for that", and back for it I did.

When I came out I was proper flying and really feeling like no one could fk with me, not even in a police station, I'm also very nice and polite when I'm off my head so the bobbies thought I was an alright lad who liked a chat, about anything.

I got outside the station and its dark, instead of walking on I start looking at the floor for this piece of dope, I know I shouldn't and didn't particularly want it but I knew it was on the floor and I knew I would like a spliff before bouncing into the club so I keep looking more intensively until two police officers walk past and inquire " you alright lad, you lost some thing", as I said, I was really pushing it so I say "yeah, I cant find my house key, I'm sure I dropped it here" one of the officers takes out his tourch and shines it about, next I have the other bobby looking as well, asking "are you sure it was here" when I glance and see this little piece of dope and realize I am taking the piss having Starskey and Hutch stake out the front doors to the station to find this 2 joint nugget, I swoop for the draw and in one full move pull a key out my pocket and say" what an idiot, it was here all the time, but thanks lads for your help, you've been great"

TO BE CONTINUED..........

© Carl Stanley - Feb 2011